Audio reading of ‘The Beauty of the Secret Place’
A short reflection on how, through honesty in the presence of God, we can obtain renewed hope in trying times
Here I lay again… awake at 3am… Lord why? As I contemplate what else I could do to improve my bedtime routine, I wrestle tears of frustration. Turning over, I watch my husband sleep peacefully and I sigh deeply. I’m angry that he’s not awake too, comforting me, but at the same time, I know that there’s nothing he can do. Not really. Still… I feel very alone in this moment of insomnia.
Hubby wakes up from all my huffing and puffing. Once I explain the situation, he suggests a solution that is so simple I’m annoyed he suggested it. “Go and pray” he said…
The audacity.
How dare he suggest I go lay at the feet of the only One who can help me right now?
Anyway, he was right, so I dragged my feet to my usual spot in the living room.
iPad unlocked, apple pencil in hand, I’m ready for my journal venting session!
“He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.” Psalms 91:1 NKJV
I went through a period where I was struggling to sleep. I imagine it was for various reasons, but I was going through some changes, and it was a slightly trying time in my life. In that time though, I found that God really became my best friend. I felt so many emotions pulling me in different directions, multiple times a day, only God would have the energy and capacity to deal with me. My beloved Anchor and Strong Tower. A true Firm Foundation.
The times when I went into my prayer closet feeling like the moment described above, I rarely left feeling the same. God’s mercy would wash over me, and I would leave feeling peaceful and renewed. Refreshed. Yes, I might have gone back 6 hours later (lol), but that is the beauty of God – He is always there, and He never gets tired of us.
My experience of God during that season led me to a better understanding of David and his psalms. I read through a few during those moments, and I realised a pattern – David never ended the psalm how he started it (at least not in the ones I read). By this I mean he never ended in the same heart posture. David would pour out his heart to the Lord with little to no filter, he would bring all the drama in his feelings, and slowly, but surely, he would calm down and his heart would recentre and refocus. Similar to David, when I would get to the end of my journal vents, I often found myself in repentance for my little outburst, and I would be filled with renewed hope for whatever I was going through.
I truly believe that when David said “He restores my soul” in Psalm 23:3, he was talking from personal experience of having a transparent relationship with the Lord. In that vulnerable space, the Lord would gently remind him that He was with him, and that He was David’s comforter. And after that soul restoration, as a loving compass, for David and for us, “He leads me in the path of righteousness for His name’s sake” (Psalm 23:3). Once restored, our heart and our attention are redirected to Him and His righteousness. In that place of reflection, He gently holds our hand and teaches us how to grow, to be like Him, and reflect Him to those around us and glorify Him.
When I reflect on what would carry me (and Uncle David) from the initial despair to the hope experienced at the end, I came to a conclusion: honesty.
Complete, slightly unhinged, ugly-crying honesty!
God is my good, good Father, and with Him nothing is hidden, nothing has to be. There is no shame for there is no guilt or condemnation in Christ. It doesn’t serve anyone to pretend to be okay with God. Firstly, He knows the truth anyway – better than you even do. Secondly, you rob yourself of the chance to experience Him as El Roi, the God who sees us. His overwhelming love and comfort do exactly what needs to be done; He is a wonderful Counsellor.
Unfailing Compassions
The following verse came alive to me in that season, and I hope it blesses you and feels like a reality for you too. For context, Prophet Jeremiah was going through a difficult time such that he wished for his teeth to be ground… (yeah, he was going through it). During an intense moment when he’s grappling with the pain, he comes to a beautiful moment where he remembers God’s faithfulness and his hope is restored.
“Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seek him;” Lamentations 3:21-25 NIV
It is so, so true that it’s because of His abounding love that we are not consumed by the things that have the potential to wipe us out. We really just have to be honest about it all with Him – the good, the bad and the very ugly. The Lord can take it, and He will comfort you if you let Him.
Shalom shalom