Pettiness can feel like the most natural reaction to what we can feel are people’s silly and avoidable shortcomings, but maybe those ‘shortcomings’ are reminders to let ourselves and others be human.
We all want to be right. Particularly when we’ve been wronged, we feel the urge to tell them about themselves ever so strongly. Although people do need to be notified when they’ve wronged us, not every moment to do so is the right moment. I’ll go as far as to say that maybe, in some circumstances, we don’t always need to point out that someone has mis-stepped. I squirmed slightly as I wrote that last sentence because I’ll be the first to admit to being a Petty Betty. At times, the need to be right has overridden my need for peace. Obviously because, you know, people have to learn so they can be better, right? Hmm, maybe that’s just what I tell myself.
Of course, we have a genuine need to see our loved ones grow and learn, but after a good, long look at myself, and some honest counselling from my partner, I realised that sometimes I wanted to correct because I knew I was right more than I knew it was the right thing to do.
Truth be told I had to ‘check’ myself recently. Thankfully, I caught myself before I took my most recent pettiness opportunity. A slight misunderstanding between me and a teenage cousin left me feeling annoyed and betrayed. Before acknowledging the differences in our maturity, experiences and our cognitive development, I wanted to confront her and let her know that ‘next time she has an issue with me she should address it directly with me’. The ego in me completely forgot the conversations I’d had with my cousin: conversations where I had told her that I’d always be there for her as a source of comfort, and a safe space. I’m not proud to admit that, for a moment, my need to be right overrode my duty to love and mentor my baby cousin. In light of being a ‘home’, I realised I had to do better.
I know it’s a bit of a cringey cliché, but two wrongs really don’t make a right. Trying to build healthy relationships will teach to that VERY quickly. It takes so much patience and self-awareness to cultivate peaceful relationships.
Humility undresses us, leaving us feeling naked and exposed, but it does afford us a little more grace. This grace gives us the permission to accept the humanity in ourselves and the flaws that come with us. In turn, we start to do the same for others.